forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I cannot find my penis.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
