Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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