I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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