she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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