Just cropdusted the office
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
