What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
