I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
