Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
