Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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