Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
