that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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