I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
