I got chris browned last night
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
