I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
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