U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
false alarm, still single
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
