how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
