this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
