No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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