why didn't you poke me back
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
