I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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