worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
