Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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