But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
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