Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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