my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
