No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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