Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
