Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize