we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
