2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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