Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
