i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
