I'm going to jail i love you
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
We had to coat check the pizza.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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