yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
