need another drink. this is the easiest way
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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