did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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