in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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