I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
