we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
