i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
there's paper in my vomit.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
