Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
