her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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