At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
you win again, gameday.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
a search helicopter?!
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
