Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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