i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
