This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
