I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
