Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
