Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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