there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
