I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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