Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
