I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
