Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
