Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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