sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
