so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
