I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize