Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
