tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
