The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
