Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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