I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
