you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
