I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
