Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Found your dick twin last night
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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