then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
