I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
