girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
