Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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