I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
