haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
