Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Randomize
