i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
