my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
