I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
