All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
