You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
