Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
