Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Randomize
