Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
