Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
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