Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
