a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
