Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
