Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Randomize
