The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize