just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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