Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
