Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
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