I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
