yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
