I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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