Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
