party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Let's get the cat blown out
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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