I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
