its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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