she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Randomize
