She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
