btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
a search helicopter?!
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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