She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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