oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
We are all done wearing pants today
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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