conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
