Porn is love you can see.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
