Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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