I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
