That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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