I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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