I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
