I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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