mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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