12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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