I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
